i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
