Who did Billy Mays play for?
it's like iHOP with fire
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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