I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize