You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
