you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
