What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
