you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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