Moan for me like Helen Keller
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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