I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
