And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
