cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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