All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
