Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
