Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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