I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
