so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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