maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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