If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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