if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
