you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
