I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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