I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
