What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
