May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
