Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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