you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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