Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
