after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
