Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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