She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
