my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
