he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
