dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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