Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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