its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
