While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
