Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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