apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
