Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
