i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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