We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
