i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
