He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
