2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Having a random hookup so left but love u
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
