Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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