you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
