I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
