Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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