I hate all girls vehemently.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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