I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
