so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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