I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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