No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize