what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
