I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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