I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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