If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
