You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
