I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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