Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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