She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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