did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
