I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize