Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How's work?
Spinning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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